This resonates with me.

It’s the scarcity and abundance principle.

Do you see people as unhealthy and ugly for the most part,
or sexy.

I guess I see a higher purpose now to talking to less attractive people. First of all, you never know, they might be the only one around when you wanna screw. Second and way more important is that it improves the view we all have of ourselves when we see the sexuality of others instead of only seeing what’s missing or wrong.

It kind lifts the dignity of a women when you flirt with her, regardless of whether or not you would have sex with her, because to flirt with her you choose to see the sexuality and be turned on by that sexuality, in order to flirt in a sexually charged(more natural) manner.(Therefore not fake)

Other societies that are less westernized seem to understand this. Spanish and Latin cultures seem to do this naturally. Actually I even remember getting my hair done by this black girl and her baby niece or sister was there and a few of the hair doer’s friends were there and one(a girl) was saying about the baby sister that she is going to have a nice ass when she grows up basically. That was at the time , to my dismay, but now I can see it in a new light. Especially since I don’t think any of that company where pedophiles. So it was the acknowledgement of a humans sexuality which is a form of abundance that we all have. To not acknowledge it or only do so in a negative light, is a good way to slightly demoralize a people.

I will add as a side note, that in the same vein there may be other positive traits in people that I could be acknowledging and therefore enjoying and may start doing. To the benefit of both sides.

These days, depending on where you live, people around you may be the type who look in disgust at anyone who isn’t a 8-10.

“ew, ew no, don’t talk to me, no don’t touch me, no, ew, no,
no ok?, your not ok, your not right, ewww!”

Honestly, we have a real “ew culture” in North America.
Does it come from some previous centuries sexual diseases that left traumatic memories that are being transferred down generations? maybe, iunno.

I can see how this could be a negative thing for everyone, not just the unattractive person. I mean, to judge that harshly, you gotta turn around and look in the mirror with those same judgements(maybe iunno). Anyways, with all
the mental health issues going on, we definitely need more people who see the sexiness in others and not only the negative side.

Next, the idea that you need to figure out if a girl is “good enough” for you, is fine, I mean, you don’t want to enter into a damaging relationship, but at the same time you don’t need to pretend a woman is not a woman otherwise. What I’m saying therefore is that to not be sexual with a woman is kinda of doing that, pretending or maybe deeply
feeling that they are not a woman. Just a friend or acquaintance.

Next, you know there are places where rape is just crazy rampant. You gotta wonder what would happen if people were more open to sexuality instead of letting it get tainted by frustration and anger although I’m sure there are other reasons for rape, I feel this is worth noting.

Then there are the obvious physiological/psych benefits to being thought of by and thinking of, every human being(at least opposite sex) as sexy. If girls catch on and start doing this too, stop treating men like boys, I can imagine a huge shift in culture. Everyone would have more confidence which means more health, mood, exercise, everything.

My only concern is, how to be sexual without being a tease. Or is that ok? lol. It’s still a complement even if I don’t end up f*cking the girl.

I powerfully do not want to have to do work as something separate from the rest of my life like some sort of drudgery or self sacrifice. y’know, in some countries people actually hibernate when food is scarce and that seems close to the same thing to me as working 8hrs a day doing something I don’t care about. I ‘m not saying I have to be a rock star or any other super passionate thing. I just want everything I do in life to be fulfilling. I feel like there should be a way to do this and I have an idea of how right now.

I’ve come up with a new theory, based partly on the MBTI (a personality type indicator)and partly on video games. It’s still a theory but it’s something. Of course not everyone plays video games, video games is just one example of people doing work purely for achievement, I’m sure there are other examples of people doing this.

The theory is that people really want to be challenged in the way that they find the most exhilarating. That is what they want out of a job, and a big part of what they want out of life. It doesn’t depend on any innate passion either. The fact that people play video games proves that they like to work, as long as it’s the type of challenge they want to complete. It’s about the type of growth that is satisfying to the individual. I think MBTI and a persons video game history together can show what type of work they would enjoy.

The MBTI part is basically using your personality type and it’s description to better understand what areas you would enjoy and at the same time by gifted in. It would be able to tell you for instance if you would enjoy a leadership role or a team mate role or if you are a solo type or if you enjoy teaching.

This actually lead me to so revelations about myself and others and how different personality types enjoy and at the same time excel is specific types of work. Not necessarily(although some times) fields of work, simply their position in those fields.

Now, about video games.

Case Study #1

I have a friend who got 100% on every level including bonus levels of Yoshi’s island. He did it because he enjoyed it. I watched some times but I though, why would anyone want to do this. Well, it’s his personality type obviously. He is a natural specialist. He gravitates towards the challenge of mastery. For someone like this, the usual advice of follow your passion or follow your interest, will work well. He is a musician, but if he wasn’t, he would do the next most interesting thing for him, in an area that he could find mastery in, and master it, and be easily employable. (have a few other friends who fit this mastery category as well)

Case Study #2

I have a friend who, when he plays video games, does things just because he can. He like to manipulate the system and think outside the box and get creative and inventive to exert as much influence over the game as possible. In multilayer, he will do things, to screw up other players, even to the detriment of himself sometimes. So for this type of player, it`s not so much about being the best, or getting 100%, It`s about a feeling of personal power. He also does a lot of electronics projects on his own, computer science major ect. He has specialized,but in a field where he will always be learning new ways to influence the world through the power of technology.

Case Study #3

Me. I play video games, but as soon as I start to understand the idea of the skill, how it all works, what routine practice I have to do to be amazing at the game, I get bored. However, I like RPG games with amazing story lines, at least if they are original enough. When I play smash bros, I use Samus because this character is one that seems very technical and hard to understand. In star craft, I can never stick to one race, or one strategy long enough to get really good cause I get bored. I thought this only confirmed the point that there is no field I can enjoy without getting bored very soon. Actually though, what this says about me is that I like complexity. I like figuring out how things work if they seem hard to understand. I have found it hard to find a field that I can see being fulfilling for me but I have always been fascinated by complex ideas and although I said I didn’t want to specialize because I get bored, there are so many complex ideas in fields like math(which school really doesn’t do justice), and programming, philosophy(less employment), that as long as I look for the challenges, I can stay interested in any one of those fields. Not to mention they are all branches of logic.

There are just examples that really stand out for me, but my other friends also seem to fit into one of these neat categories.

I`m sure there are other types that I haven’t played with because I don’t play sports games or FPS. I assume there are types who are natural leaders that would play WOW and Eve online and have guilds. I assume there are teacher types that enjoy helping other people get better.

In the beginning of man, we worked often because we had to work. Some people still do work jobs they don’t like because they have to work. Some people think life would be amazing if they didn’t have to do any work. That work is always something that is forced upon them. I think though that actually people really do like to work. The work doesn’t even have to be based on some preexisting passion, it just has to be the type of work that suits the person. Not that you shouldn’t follow your passions as well, just that work is one of them.

Life started as a constant challenge, where we weren’t sure if we would win or die. Ironically or coincidentally or maybe on purpose, I think humans, and many other forms of life, naturally crave challenge. We want to be challenged to the point that we are not sure the can win, and then win and feel amazing about it. It feels so good because in order to win, we have to grow. it’s a form of evolution in a way. For me then it seems like it’s not really about being about to say, I am a scientist, I am a doctor, I am a lawyer. It’s more about being able to say, I am playing the game called scientist, I am playing the game called lawyer. It’s about taking up a challenge in the area you naturally want to evolve in, and evolving.

After reading this blog post:

http://milkthepigeon.com/2012/05/14/why-location-independence-passive-income-and-entrepreneurship-wont-solve-any-of-your-problems/

I started thinking. I already new that I wanted
to do meaningful things with my life. However I was in a predicament
where the meaningful things I wanted to do where not things society
saw as needs.

So what does this mean? At first I thought, well society is wrong
some times. People in general sometimes don’t even know what they want.
I want to do music and art ect, and I defend it’s importance as an
element of life which develops us spirituality.

Well that makes sense. However, not everyone in the world is
ready to make use of that spiritual development. For example,
people who are starving, can’t eat music. They need food.

So, our society is made up of people in all stages of development.
People who are well off and can focus on spiritual stuff, and people
who are not well off and are focused on basic necessities, including
people who are simply suffering from illness.

Society functions as a whole, making sure that for the most part
everyone gets there basic needs met. What is required for this to work
though, is for everyone to chip in. If instead, the sick had to care for
themselves, while the well played football, whenever someone were to
fall ill, they would have less chance of surviving, and many people
fall in over the life time.

With a society, everyone works to help everyone else out so that
everyone gets what they need. Further more, if everyone works from
there strengths, society is way stronger, than if everyone did a bit of
everything.

Money ensures that everyone does there part.

If art and music were as important as other things like doctors and
nurses, they would be paid as such. However, in most animals, the
drive to avoid suffering is more important that the drive towards
pleasure. Pain and pleasure can still be seen as to ends of a
single spectrum, the pain side would just be the longer side.

Society then can be seen as moving up the spectrum, together, from
the pain side, to the pleasure side. However, as doctors are still
paid very well, it is clear that as a whole society is still more
on the pain side of the spectrum. So the priorities and therefore
the allocation of payment is in favor of work that lessens the suffering
of society.

Now I was really only talking about North American society. If we take the
whole world into account as one big society, we are definitely further down
into the pain side of the spectrum.

Now this doesn’t mean don’t do any art or music.
This doesn’t mean you’ll never make a living doing so.

This is simply the reason why you are or have worked unrelated
part time jobs in the mean time. Jobs that allow you to survive
and to support your passion. Jobs that do help society in some way.

Now, I will attempt to make supporting yourself a little bit more fun.
If you find a job where you are doing something meaningful, something
interesting, something autonomous, and something were you get breaks and
time off ect, and where you can learn and grow, you will probably enjoy
that job, whether or not it is a job in your area of passion(art, music, games, ect).

If you think about it, all that I just described, are the key elements of
many really good video games. Minus cool graphics. Music you might be able to
get, and you can find a job working with cool people.

For me personally, for a job to be meaningful, for me to feel like I am
doing something awesome, I’ll probably have to be working solo or with a
few people on a really really big goal. I’m far too innovative for my strengths
to be utilized in an assembly line engineering type job. My strength require
that I be able to call the shots.

Now for careers that could work for me.

Cognitive science something creative
Bioinformatics something creative
National defense something create

(basically anything very important, and in a way that I can
use my creativity and therefore feel like my contributions are important
which would make it fulfilling) (going for programming only cause for now
it’s the easiest point of entry into cutting edge type jobs)

Now for how I can get into one of these careers.

School
if no money, loan the school
or inventor then search/hope for grant
or inventor and search/hope for internship
or inventor andĀ  apply skills to get whatever job to make money for school

What having a meaningful career path does is it sets you up to
be intrinsically motivated to learn on your own. So you can get a career
that is intrinsically motivating so that you can support the things you
personally want to do.

Note: if you are living in poverty, any job is meaningful because you
are trying to survive which is meaningful, so that is all the
intrinsic motivation you need.

So far this is a theory, but it makes sense to me, more so that going
straight for a min wadge job and holding on to it as you build up your
skill in whatever artistic pursuit you are interested in which may
still leave you making minimum wadge. Might as well do the min wadge but
also work on something meaningful and the artistic stuff. Eventually
segway into the meaningful stuff and artistic stuff only. Then eventually
segway into only the artistic stuff. The theory of how this would be
possible would be that you either become the valuable enough 1% of artists,
or you do enough meaningful work to pay your way so you don’t have to work
anymore, or as often or for a while.

Many people who grew up when game consoles were just entering the market, have very fond memories. I am one of these. The thing is, my memories of games are too fond to just let them be memories. I have a suspicion that games are actually far more significant than most people give them credit for. I feel that games may actually be taking sentient life somewhere in terms of evolution. I will explain.

When we walk through our world, we are navigating through data.

We are a conscious mind, taking in data and navigating based on it
and based on laws that act on us.

In the real world we can walk up to a tree and see wood as brown because it is brown.
In the real world we can walk up to a plant and see it as green because it is green.
This is data about our world that we take in.

We see our tv screen, when off, as a tv screen.When the tv screen is on, we see what’s on it, as what’s on it. Moving pictures. More data.

In the real world we can we can walk up to our tv screen and see the pictures.

However, when what’s on it, is a video game level that we can navigate through,
what we see, although still moving pictures, are now actually data that we are navigating through.
That level is real. It is part of the real world because we can navigate through it and take in data about it. It has a traversal-ableĀ  landscape.

So this is were it get’s interesting.

A cell phone picture album, a mysql data base, these are all things we can navigate through and take in data from, so they are parts of our world, but they are not worlds of there own, they are just parts of our world, like tools, like a phone book.

A level on the other hand is engineered to be an actual world. It would be part of our world if it were just a house or garden in someones back yard. However, game levels are independent systems. They have there own physical laws and basic building blocks. I am kinda thinking that it therefore, is an actual world. When you play a video game you are stepping into another, albeit man made, world.

The fact that it is man made may at first make it less intriguing than stepping on the moon, but only to adults. Adults I think can fall into the trap of being too used to each other, too used to being human, to fully see their accomplishments for what they are. A child sees Zelda OOT for the first time and it’s amazing because it’s totally beyond is understanding for the moment, just as all the adults who made it are to him. I think the thing to keep in mind is that although these new worlds are man made, man isn’t man made, and so that thought should restore some of the mystique of what another world has to offer. Especially if that man/men who made it did not just rip the idea of a top seller.

Not only does another world have different physical laws but it also has it’s own belief systems, it’s own psychological rules, that a society of that world will believe in. I mean even beyond the role play element some of them have which to be frank, an NPC is an NPC, people know it’s an AI. I’m not saying it’s not a part of the world, I’m saying that it doesn’t have a consciousness, a computer programmer just programmed it to act like it does. This is common knowledge. The beliefs that do exist in this world are things likepoints. Achievements. You could say though that these beliefs are just based on accomplishment and so they transcend worlds. However, here is a scenario.

A person plays a game and they assume that like every other game, you shoot the bad guy, you win.
Shooting the bad guy is challenging so they do it and accomplish something. What if the game says, “you lose. You aren’t supposed to shoot the bad guys. You aren’t supposed to do anything. You win by doing nothing. There are no points. There is no competition. You lose if you compete. you lose if you don’t compete. There is a goal, but you are not allowed to strive for it, or you lose.”

Well then there is a dissonance between the beliefs of this world and of that world. In this world you feel good if you achieve something. In that world it is to be internalized as a rule that trying to achieve is unacceptable by the creators of that world. This may not be the most fun game to play but does it prove my point that different worlds can create their own psychological rules. This is important because we have psychological rules hard wired into us. Rules like don’t die and rules like, do what feels good. Society for the most part agree on that set of rules. However if you go to another world where the only way to play is by going against some basic rules like working towards a goal that exists.

Well actually, the thing that makes a game a game, is that it has a goal. If it is just a place with different physical laws, then it’s not a game, but it is still a real and separate world.

And for the last part I just want to share ideas on the future of these new worlds. New worlds don’t have to be strictly on screen. They just have to have their own physical laws and maybe have a membrane between it and this one. A screen is one membrane. The internet is a membrane. Atmosphere is one membrane. Our bodies, are a membrane between the outside world and our internal world. So I am thinking there may be other ways of creating worlds besides just screens.

I had some very interesting conversations with two people.

One who mentioned the importance of reading a lot regardless of whether or not you had a specific question but instead to introduce myself to new ideas which may raise questions of their own. This is an interesting idea and I’m sure it works for him but my question is would it work for an introvert who spends a lot of time on reflection and innovation, or would all that reading just overcrowd an introvert’s mind.

The other suggested working towards a steady job regardless of whether or not you had dreams of your own. It seemed like he valued the simple luxuries like a big house, a car, ect, more than I do, but I still really do see where he was coming from. He grew up in a pretty well-off family and now that he wants to move out on his own he is realizing how much he his parents were providing him with and he wants to have that for himself and his family. That’s very reasonable. The thing is, I’m not sure I had been thinking that far ahead. The only times I had thought that far ahead were to motivate myself to make money for completely different reasons. Recently after hearing steve pavlina talk about why you should never work for someone else or be paid for your time, ect, I started thinking, “ya that’s right , why should I work for anyone else, why should I ever go to school again” also I realized I wasn’t being true to myself by just going to school for a major I didn’t care about just to get the diploma just to make money so that maybe girls will see me as an independent and more powerful person. I realized it wasn’t worth giving up on who I was, sacrificing it all to make money. I realized I was worth more than that.

However I think when I was in school I was overzealous towards schooling, and money. Then when I got my college diploma and no job for 5 months and realized I hated my major, I become over zealously opposed to school. I Think both experiences were eye opening but that now my choice has to be based on a more complex strategy then just doing the opposite of what I had been doing. SO I’m thinking of being BOTH true to myself AND getting myself set up for when I want to start a family.

Next point is that me and I think many other passionate people, artist, ect, will not be able to work on their passion for hours at a time. Besides those times when inspiration strikes, any other work in that field will be the same as working on something they aren’t passionate about besides the fact that they are being true to themselves. Put another way, my creative output from a year I was in school and my output from a year I was free 24/7 where about the same. so there is no point not spending time on something else if the time will be just wasted other wise. Only it has to be something that seems worth while, and in a healthy environment, so working in a field and around people you can’t relate to at all would be unhealthy.

The Plan:

Put the best of all worlds together.

So you have your passion(s) on the one hand, the “right now hand”, and you hope that with those you will reach a point where you are making a decent income without having to work so hard that you lose interest in them “burn out”.
and you have your future, the time when you will want to start a family and want to be able to live well with them.
My latest hypothesis was that if you were to focus on giving to yourself and to everyone around you and have a positive attitude and be true to yourself and be healthy, that people would pay you for just that. However another idea, possibly less risky, and actually in some cases more time efficient, would be to do do both.

Assuming nothing your passionate about has a corresponding university major, simply choose what ever is closest and has good earning potential. There should be something like that, something where studying it would improve how you perform in your passion. Then study that at a more relaxed pace than in university.

Be true to yourself now AND work towards the life you want for your future family at a pace set so that you will have what you need when you need it.

Create when you want to create AND schedule a time everyday where you study as if in school.
Self study until you have the money to enroll in a course but be meeting people in your chosen field all the while.(Very different from when I graduated and then started trying to make contacts)
This strategy includes what the first person told me which was too try reading just to expand my knowledge base in my field of interest. However I am doing it two aims, two

Sometimes I wonder. Is it some kind of blessing for those who have a solid work ethic and are able to work hard at whatever they set they’re mind to? Some kind of curse for those who are not motivated to strive for excellence in their lives, to achieve? I think of people who are not constantly striving to better themselves. I think of the classic pot head who just sits in their mom’s house or whatever the stereotype, you can picture it I’m sure.

When the “cursed” meet the “blessed” you can see the dissonance. You see the “cursed” acknowledge their curse as if they were hearing a maternal/paternal voice in their head say, “you haven’t amounted to anything”. However, I don’t think shame is a reason to work hard. I think that is bull crap. I wonder if that parental voice had eyes to go with it and a memory of her child playing with lego. Did that count as “amounting”?

“amounting” shouldn’t be a way of owning up to some inherent shame of not wanting to do something that isn’t fun. If you think your kid should be independent, stop feeding him. Basically, people do things they are motivated to do. Kids play cause it’s fun. They play with lego cause it’s fun. If a kid plays with lego, and then kinects, and then mindstorm, and the arduino, he’s an engineer. If the kid is told that play is a waste of time and that it’ll make him a bum, his core positive motivation to achieve is being taken away from him. Then all he has is shame if he gives a crap what his parents say.

Or he’ll get what ever job he needs to get to buy what he wants.

However I’v been thinking, some people are specialists. They work on one or two things and get good at them. One might be a hobby, another a profession. Usually I think specialists feel the urge to have money to get the things they want so they are willing to work hard on one thing and get good at it.

Some people are multidisciplinary. They have multiple hobbies and a profession that maybe one of their hobbies. I think multidisciplinary types care less about things that cost money, they are more focused on creating wealth for themselves. Customized wealth that only they can create, in many areas. So they would rather do whatever job and then create the wealth they want on the side.

The job is still worth having but it doesn’t have to be the most amazing 6 figure job if that isn’t important. However eventually with all the skills that are built up and with the technology available, I think other people will see the value in these creations and be willing to pay for them. Either that or there is a way to mould all the hobbies into one underlying thing like a wide field like psychology, sociology, math, programming. However the cost of school and the rigidity might be a turn off.

So now that we’re clear that basing self worth
on what other people value, is based on scarcity.

That the truth is that we are all %100 responsible for
our selves.

That with the abundance we have we have no need of
idolizing or fawning over others because we are
well equipped to achieve our happiness on our own.

We also have no need to feel lacking when another
only pays attention to us for being “cool” or gives
any other indication of lack. We have no need to care
because it is not our responsibility, we only are
responsible for yourself and have a winning can do anything
attitude.

We therefore see no lack in others, or look down on others.
They, like us, are only responsible for their own
happiness and they are working towards it like any
sentient being does.

There fore There is no need to compete to be the best
or better, to receive that recognition (real or imagined).
Therefore no one’s judgement of me as being less,
an AFC, or losing to them in anyway, or being a loser
in anyway is actually correct. They are viewing life from
the scarcity perspective. An illusion. The reality is I am
in abundant supply of life and love and I am working towards
more happiness. There is no lose. Only more good.

To me, even those with the scarcity mindset aren’t actually
in scarcity. They are still in abundance because they are still
working towards their happiness and still have hope. I have
faith in them.

After coming to these conclusions I decided I would take
the plunge into not trying to work towards any special
achievement other than what would make me feel good.

As I tried to do this I still felt drawn to the idea of
becoming more powerful. I though this was still about
power as others see it, power that makes you feel more
worthy of living(based on the scarcity vibe of others).

However today I was watching the lain series and I
noticed myself feeling that urge to have power like
lain does. I asked myself, I checked into myself,
“is this power based scarcity, on seeking attention and
recognition”

The answer was no. This time it wasn’t based on lack.
It was just based on having more power. Based on
abundance. On just having more freedom. Being a more
free being simply for my sake.

So I still continue to be passionate about beauty
and power.

And If I decided to compete in something like smash bros
or tae kwon do, it will be from a point of abundance.
In abundance, a competition isn’t to decide who wins and who
loses. It is to share skills with each other, exchange
information. Like captain falcon says, “show me your moves!”.
It’s just show and tell, there is no battle. It’s just
a game. Also it’s almost like a celebration of the strength
of two beings. They are both awesome so no matter who “wins” the
match, they both are already winners in the sense that they are
awesome, they just receive feedback on what skills and training is
best so they can improve even more.

When I think about venturing out to see something beautiful
irl or in a video game, I often feel inspired to do so.

This inspiration is often short lived as memories pop up of
previous times when I ventured out to have such an experience.

I would go out and think, yeah this is what life is about.
Then…Someone would come along and make me feel like I was
lacking in some way, or ignore or down play my expression
of love for the experience. This made me feel… basically
like I wasn’t good enough to be where I was.

Basically like if you drive a super nice car and enjoy it. Then
someone comes along and says, it’s not even yours.

Someone downplaying the significance of you being happy.
It can sometimes make someone feel that they are lacking. Like
they aren’t powerful enough to be worthy of enjoying themselves.

Or like they are down playing the significance, the goodness of
me simply enjoying myself. Like it’s not important that I
enjoy myself.

There was so much favoritism back when I was in daycare and elementary
school, I often had my curiosity, enjoyment, and awe, subbed in
favor of someone else. Someone the guardians felt was more
important. So it was more important that that person enjoy
themselves, than me.

Unless I did something to become important.

Check this out. You find a really cool and beautiful place and
go there to hang out. Then you tell your friends about it and they
just say, oh that place, I’ve been there. Oh ok I guess it’s not
that important that I experienced then? No of course it still is,
obviously though, not to those guys.
Then what if one of them says, oh I was actually the first one to
discover the place, I showed everyone else.
Wow, then it’s like, the energy is taken from you and given to him
for he found it, almost like he invented it, like he owns it.
His pseudo ownership gives him all the significance of that
place in the eyes of others.
It almost becomes a part of his identity in the eyes of others.
But not part of yours(not that it mattered), and it becomes
completely insignificant that you experienced the place because
you don’t own it.
Realize that it doesn’t matter how many people have done something
before you, it is still significant that you do it, even if it
is somehow not significant to them that you enjoy yourself
(maybe they are not that cool).

Now I’m older I get it. They were in that scarcity mindset and
the whole system is based on scarcity and war. Well it’s up to
me to decide how important my enjoyment is.

And how important power is.

I live to enjoy, power is only important as it helps me enjoy.

Or I would be hanging out with some people and a song I love comes
on. Someone says, that’s so and so’s song. Well what about me.
I love the song, is that not important. That seems to be the jist
of it.

So someone else suddenly semi-owns the song and it becomes
significant to them and not me. As far as anyone else around me
at the time felt. Kinda makes me feel lousy.

well the 1st time I thought to play eve online I still have the
need for high self esteem. SO I thought about playing the game from
both views, love, and power. For this reason, I was presented with
the lack I would have going into the game, at least from the view
of the other players. I would go into the game being nothing
special. There might even be player constructed rules about
where I can go or who owns what. This would suck for self-esteem
if I wanted to play the game like it was where I belonged and
own my experience.

However I think a lot of this stemmed from the ego. Wanting to play
in a beautiful world as a significantly beautiful person in that world.
That is met be the resistance of all the other players who do not see
you as significant, and probably as lacking.

Either that or I just though about the possibility of having to share
the beautiful experience with someone who doesn’t like me and/or
has a bad attitude in general. Then not only could I be made to feel
lacking, they could just ruin the whole experience for me.
I think part of me wanted to make a rule that you had to be good to a
certain extend, maybe whatever it took so that I would respect the
person, I guess that would include them being a good person. Then
I would feel ok sharing something so beautiful with that person.
Cause in Eve online I wouldn’t be able to chose who will be in the
environment including who controls it. At least not when I first start
playing. So I set a standard of self worth needed to feel worthy of
the environment. I did this for other places too, not just(if even)
even online.
Any beautiful environment, I would look at it and say, one say, when
I am the shit, I can hang out here and no one can tell me shit.
I don’t have to own it, just be the shit so I can’t be made to feel
badly in any way.

Anyways, now I am done worrying about what others will think/do as
I set out to experience the beauty in life. I don’t need to earn
the right to experience beauty. No one does. If someone wants to
fight me over some small scrap of it they can have it, there is an
abundance, more than enough for all, including that yet to be created
but I don’t have to have created something to rightfully enjoy it.
It is significant just that I enjoy it. Significant to me. If me going
down this path helps others then it is significant for them too but
that is not very important, to me.

However, If I go into the game just to enjoy myself, and value my enjoyment
for itself and ignore any expressions of lack/insignificance of
someone else, I would thoroughly enjoy myself.

Not trying to be something “special” because I don’t need to, because
the world doesn’t need it, because there is no lack. If I am anything,
it will be a creator of what I want. I only have to be “special” as far as
it helps me do that.

If what I want includes helping or helps others, lucky for them.

There is no lack or insignificance in my enjoyment.

The worst thing for a child’s self esteem is being raised
by an adult who makes the child feel responsible for the
adults happiness or society’s happiness, in anyway.

This is what gives the child a sense of self lack.

If the child was aloud to live by what they themselves wanted,
they would be able to focus on what makes them happy, including
what ever skills they need to learn.

Not only do parents and guardians make the child feel like they
have an inherit lack needing to be filled. They can make the child feel
like it’s whats best for the child that they feel that lack until(and often
even after) they achieve whatever goal it is that they are made to feel
is valuable.

Then the child grows up thinking that whatever society holds as
valuable must be what is right for them, and if they don’t have
it, they are lacking.

A good portion of my successes in life have come from me just
doing what I wanted.

I would even go as far as to say it’s cool to want to be someone
special, but it should be in a way that you love, not in
a way that others will love.

If you base your goals for self improvement on what others think
is important instead of you, you will be working out of a sense of lack.

That is because for someone else to have a need for you to be something
is for them to not be taking responsibility for themselves, which leads
to lack because they remove the only power in their lives, themselves,
out of the equation. They expect you to give them what they need.
that is lack. Expecting someone else to provide for you, that is, not
believing and seeing that you can provide for yourself.

Once you decide not to believe in other peoples standards of who you
are, and once you decide that you can provide abundantly for yourself, you
don’t feel lack.

Then if you want to be more, it should be because you feel it’s cool, not
to please anyone else. Your job is not to please anyone else, regardless
of if they express a sense of lack in you by not giving attention. You
are not lacking. Therefore never work out of a sense of lack. Only work
towards what you want. What you think is cool.

Should you need to be better than anyone else? If you want, but then
you shouldn’t feel lack for not being better than them, you should
only feel excitement at the possibilities of improving beyond them.

Also, you should not see lack in anyone else, because if you are in
abundance, you know that they also have abundance. If they are
surviving, if they are alive, they re abundant, and can figure out
how to be happy or better, ect. Even if they suck at everything in
life, they are still not lacking. They just aren’t because there just
is not lack. There isn’t shit to run away from. There is shit to run towards.

You see it, so you know it’s there. If they see you running towards it,
hopefully they will too. However, even if they don’t.. there is just no
looking down on others or even feeling sorry for them because you don’t see
lack, you see them taking responsibility for themselves in some way. Even if
it’s in a sucky way. Life lives.

so there can be competition, but not being the best or even better
than someone who sucks, shouldn’t mean lack.
There can be striving to improve, but where you are now shouldn’t be
lack.

You work towards what you want in life, and if other people like it
that’s great, but if they don’t, that shouldn’t mean lack.
Also, when looking at and judging others therefore, seeing them
suck at one or all things in life, also shouldn’t mean lack.

So I work towards more things I want,
More of who I want to be,
out of my own personal love, not at all for the recognition of
anyone else.
Al the while loving who I am and the things I have.
All the while seeing only abundance in others as it relates to them,
not at all judging people based on how they can help me.
*Except*
Loving people who I connect with and who I can share my loves with.
That is about their love and my love coming together. No Lack,
no needing to be impressed.

SO the focus on abundance kind of needs ignoring lack to be
fully embraced it seems. Or no, it just helps the understanding
of what abundance is and the areas I need it.

SO all that idolizing and seeking fame is not important. It’s
like an expression of scarcity.

For one person to be famous means everyone else becomes less worthy
of attention. It means, no one else can do it but them so worship.
To seek fame, attention, means you feel lacking if you don’t have it.

Abundance is, I can make myself happy, and it’s my responsibility,
I’ll do it, and I’ll do it for me.

Make all variables cool names is a small start.
Give a cool background image.
create an imaginary company that is cool and from eve online.

What if I was doing transmission line analysis.

I could make the lines transmit something cool.
Use cool colored wires.
write in a cool font.
have a calculator that makes cool sounds.
have cool music playing in background or in head.
superimpose futuristic coolness like eve online, over the work.
Work with other people.
Work with hot girls around.
…if this was a class lab, I could suggest a role play concept
to work with, and solve all problems with that concept in mind.
Example, find length of whatever for whatever coil or whatever?
Create a small back story with the calculation as very important.
Use cool colors for all wires. Cool fonts for all writing.
Write on cool paper. Transmit something cool over the frequency,
cool as in a very specific frequency number, “911khz”for an
in bad taste example.

Take a picture of the spectrometer and Photoshop it to look
cooler and for the actual waves to be a cooler color.

Think of other cooler uses for this measurement.
Is it used in anything else that is cool?
How can u use this concept to make something beautiful?
Can you create a filter or affect sound in someway?
What about images or video?
Can you create anything very powerful using this.

There, and transmission line theory was so boring for me.

That was 20min worth of brainstorming, or less.

Remember, the idea of adventure point and click didn’t even
come to me on my own, I had to see it online to remember/think of
it. So imagine how many other ways I could make transmission line
theory fun and beautiful if given the time.

The problem is people just assume it can’t be fun. It can though, the
whole process can be turned into one giant work of art, if you
only have the winning attitude, and figure out how.

Infinite possibilities for overcoming any situation. That is just
reality as it can’t really be proven other wise.

So beyond just having hope for what you want, is the hope that
you can create things you want, out of things you don’t even
want. Making work fun. Of course you still want the initial things
you wanted more if they were worth while to begin with, but
the work can be fed love to the point that it is enjoyable enough
to be done with zeal as well.

I think this love and beauty can be applied to every area of life.
However, I also not that if there is a negative situation, like
danger or unhealthy atmosphere, it should be dealt with using
intelligence not fear. Relaxed intelligence. Negative situations
don’t need to be met love, that is for the mundane, not the
unhealthy. Well if you can do beauty, love, smart and relaxed, to
beat something negative then more power. It’s past my bed time.