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Monthly Archives: June 2013

So now that we’re clear that basing self worth
on what other people value, is based on scarcity.

That the truth is that we are all %100 responsible for
our selves.

That with the abundance we have we have no need of
idolizing or fawning over others because we are
well equipped to achieve our happiness on our own.

We also have no need to feel lacking when another
only pays attention to us for being “cool” or gives
any other indication of lack. We have no need to care
because it is not our responsibility, we only are
responsible for yourself and have a winning can do anything
attitude.

We therefore see no lack in others, or look down on others.
They, like us, are only responsible for their own
happiness and they are working towards it like any
sentient being does.

There fore There is no need to compete to be the best
or better, to receive that recognition (real or imagined).
Therefore no one’s judgement of me as being less,
an AFC, or losing to them in anyway, or being a loser
in anyway is actually correct. They are viewing life from
the scarcity perspective. An illusion. The reality is I am
in abundant supply of life and love and I am working towards
more happiness. There is no lose. Only more good.

To me, even those with the scarcity mindset aren’t actually
in scarcity. They are still in abundance because they are still
working towards their happiness and still have hope. I have
faith in them.

After coming to these conclusions I decided I would take
the plunge into not trying to work towards any special
achievement other than what would make me feel good.

As I tried to do this I still felt drawn to the idea of
becoming more powerful. I though this was still about
power as others see it, power that makes you feel more
worthy of living(based on the scarcity vibe of others).

However today I was watching the lain series and I
noticed myself feeling that urge to have power like
lain does. I asked myself, I checked into myself,
“is this power based scarcity, on seeking attention and
recognition”

The answer was no. This time it wasn’t based on lack.
It was just based on having more power. Based on
abundance. On just having more freedom. Being a more
free being simply for my sake.

So I still continue to be passionate about beauty
and power.

And If I decided to compete in something like smash bros
or tae kwon do, it will be from a point of abundance.
In abundance, a competition isn’t to decide who wins and who
loses. It is to share skills with each other, exchange
information. Like captain falcon says, “show me your moves!”.
It’s just show and tell, there is no battle. It’s just
a game. Also it’s almost like a celebration of the strength
of two beings. They are both awesome so no matter who “wins” the
match, they both are already winners in the sense that they are
awesome, they just receive feedback on what skills and training is
best so they can improve even more.

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When I think about venturing out to see something beautiful
irl or in a video game, I often feel inspired to do so.

This inspiration is often short lived as memories pop up of
previous times when I ventured out to have such an experience.

I would go out and think, yeah this is what life is about.
Then…Someone would come along and make me feel like I was
lacking in some way, or ignore or down play my expression
of love for the experience. This made me feel… basically
like I wasn’t good enough to be where I was.

Basically like if you drive a super nice car and enjoy it. Then
someone comes along and says, it’s not even yours.

Someone downplaying the significance of you being happy.
It can sometimes make someone feel that they are lacking. Like
they aren’t powerful enough to be worthy of enjoying themselves.

Or like they are down playing the significance, the goodness of
me simply enjoying myself. Like it’s not important that I
enjoy myself.

There was so much favoritism back when I was in daycare and elementary
school, I often had my curiosity, enjoyment, and awe, subbed in
favor of someone else. Someone the guardians felt was more
important. So it was more important that that person enjoy
themselves, than me.

Unless I did something to become important.

Check this out. You find a really cool and beautiful place and
go there to hang out. Then you tell your friends about it and they
just say, oh that place, I’ve been there. Oh ok I guess it’s not
that important that I experienced then? No of course it still is,
obviously though, not to those guys.
Then what if one of them says, oh I was actually the first one to
discover the place, I showed everyone else.
Wow, then it’s like, the energy is taken from you and given to him
for he found it, almost like he invented it, like he owns it.
His pseudo ownership gives him all the significance of that
place in the eyes of others.
It almost becomes a part of his identity in the eyes of others.
But not part of yours(not that it mattered), and it becomes
completely insignificant that you experienced the place because
you don’t own it.
Realize that it doesn’t matter how many people have done something
before you, it is still significant that you do it, even if it
is somehow not significant to them that you enjoy yourself
(maybe they are not that cool).

Now I’m older I get it. They were in that scarcity mindset and
the whole system is based on scarcity and war. Well it’s up to
me to decide how important my enjoyment is.

And how important power is.

I live to enjoy, power is only important as it helps me enjoy.

Or I would be hanging out with some people and a song I love comes
on. Someone says, that’s so and so’s song. Well what about me.
I love the song, is that not important. That seems to be the jist
of it.

So someone else suddenly semi-owns the song and it becomes
significant to them and not me. As far as anyone else around me
at the time felt. Kinda makes me feel lousy.

well the 1st time I thought to play eve online I still have the
need for high self esteem. SO I thought about playing the game from
both views, love, and power. For this reason, I was presented with
the lack I would have going into the game, at least from the view
of the other players. I would go into the game being nothing
special. There might even be player constructed rules about
where I can go or who owns what. This would suck for self-esteem
if I wanted to play the game like it was where I belonged and
own my experience.

However I think a lot of this stemmed from the ego. Wanting to play
in a beautiful world as a significantly beautiful person in that world.
That is met be the resistance of all the other players who do not see
you as significant, and probably as lacking.

Either that or I just though about the possibility of having to share
the beautiful experience with someone who doesn’t like me and/or
has a bad attitude in general. Then not only could I be made to feel
lacking, they could just ruin the whole experience for me.
I think part of me wanted to make a rule that you had to be good to a
certain extend, maybe whatever it took so that I would respect the
person, I guess that would include them being a good person. Then
I would feel ok sharing something so beautiful with that person.
Cause in Eve online I wouldn’t be able to chose who will be in the
environment including who controls it. At least not when I first start
playing. So I set a standard of self worth needed to feel worthy of
the environment. I did this for other places too, not just(if even)
even online.
Any beautiful environment, I would look at it and say, one say, when
I am the shit, I can hang out here and no one can tell me shit.
I don’t have to own it, just be the shit so I can’t be made to feel
badly in any way.

Anyways, now I am done worrying about what others will think/do as
I set out to experience the beauty in life. I don’t need to earn
the right to experience beauty. No one does. If someone wants to
fight me over some small scrap of it they can have it, there is an
abundance, more than enough for all, including that yet to be created
but I don’t have to have created something to rightfully enjoy it.
It is significant just that I enjoy it. Significant to me. If me going
down this path helps others then it is significant for them too but
that is not very important, to me.

However, If I go into the game just to enjoy myself, and value my enjoyment
for itself and ignore any expressions of lack/insignificance of
someone else, I would thoroughly enjoy myself.

Not trying to be something “special” because I don’t need to, because
the world doesn’t need it, because there is no lack. If I am anything,
it will be a creator of what I want. I only have to be “special” as far as
it helps me do that.

If what I want includes helping or helps others, lucky for them.

There is no lack or insignificance in my enjoyment.

The worst thing for a child’s self esteem is being raised
by an adult who makes the child feel responsible for the
adults happiness or society’s happiness, in anyway.

This is what gives the child a sense of self lack.

If the child was aloud to live by what they themselves wanted,
they would be able to focus on what makes them happy, including
what ever skills they need to learn.

Not only do parents and guardians make the child feel like they
have an inherit lack needing to be filled. They can make the child feel
like it’s whats best for the child that they feel that lack until(and often
even after) they achieve whatever goal it is that they are made to feel
is valuable.

Then the child grows up thinking that whatever society holds as
valuable must be what is right for them, and if they don’t have
it, they are lacking.

A good portion of my successes in life have come from me just
doing what I wanted.

I would even go as far as to say it’s cool to want to be someone
special, but it should be in a way that you love, not in
a way that others will love.

If you base your goals for self improvement on what others think
is important instead of you, you will be working out of a sense of lack.

That is because for someone else to have a need for you to be something
is for them to not be taking responsibility for themselves, which leads
to lack because they remove the only power in their lives, themselves,
out of the equation. They expect you to give them what they need.
that is lack. Expecting someone else to provide for you, that is, not
believing and seeing that you can provide for yourself.

Once you decide not to believe in other peoples standards of who you
are, and once you decide that you can provide abundantly for yourself, you
don’t feel lack.

Then if you want to be more, it should be because you feel it’s cool, not
to please anyone else. Your job is not to please anyone else, regardless
of if they express a sense of lack in you by not giving attention. You
are not lacking. Therefore never work out of a sense of lack. Only work
towards what you want. What you think is cool.

Should you need to be better than anyone else? If you want, but then
you shouldn’t feel lack for not being better than them, you should
only feel excitement at the possibilities of improving beyond them.

Also, you should not see lack in anyone else, because if you are in
abundance, you know that they also have abundance. If they are
surviving, if they are alive, they re abundant, and can figure out
how to be happy or better, ect. Even if they suck at everything in
life, they are still not lacking. They just aren’t because there just
is not lack. There isn’t shit to run away from. There is shit to run towards.

You see it, so you know it’s there. If they see you running towards it,
hopefully they will too. However, even if they don’t.. there is just no
looking down on others or even feeling sorry for them because you don’t see
lack, you see them taking responsibility for themselves in some way. Even if
it’s in a sucky way. Life lives.

so there can be competition, but not being the best or even better
than someone who sucks, shouldn’t mean lack.
There can be striving to improve, but where you are now shouldn’t be
lack.

You work towards what you want in life, and if other people like it
that’s great, but if they don’t, that shouldn’t mean lack.
Also, when looking at and judging others therefore, seeing them
suck at one or all things in life, also shouldn’t mean lack.

So I work towards more things I want,
More of who I want to be,
out of my own personal love, not at all for the recognition of
anyone else.
Al the while loving who I am and the things I have.
All the while seeing only abundance in others as it relates to them,
not at all judging people based on how they can help me.
*Except*
Loving people who I connect with and who I can share my loves with.
That is about their love and my love coming together. No Lack,
no needing to be impressed.

SO the focus on abundance kind of needs ignoring lack to be
fully embraced it seems. Or no, it just helps the understanding
of what abundance is and the areas I need it.

SO all that idolizing and seeking fame is not important. It’s
like an expression of scarcity.

For one person to be famous means everyone else becomes less worthy
of attention. It means, no one else can do it but them so worship.
To seek fame, attention, means you feel lacking if you don’t have it.

Abundance is, I can make myself happy, and it’s my responsibility,
I’ll do it, and I’ll do it for me.