Mental Health

I think the way people buy food with the intention of enjoying it and eat is so fast that they barely do is a really good example of how not to go about life in general.
It’s the definition of destination over journey.

A very rough way to go through life but a lot of us end up getting sucked into the trap. It’s the idea that one can only be happy once such and such a goal is achieved. It is “delayed gratification” at it’s worst. What causes this btw? Where do we start deciding that we have to sacrifice present pleasure for future pleasure. I am assuming when ever the first time we were in a situation where that seemed like the best option. Probably when we were kids and had to do something shitty to get what we want. Then we just assumed life is just like that because we(maybe not all of us) didn’t know how to make the work(some work) enjoyable. I mean sometimes we have to make that choice but I think it’s important for people to strive for as much fun in life as possible which would mean enjoying the journey towards what ever destination your interested in as much as possible.

Fun,(I am thinking is a very important part of life)

After some research and thinking I have come up with a model of fun
composed two types. some basic principles of what would make the situation fun.

Passive and Active

Passive is fun by experiencing something that feels good.

This is tricky because passive fun is relative to w/e else you could be doing.
Whats more fun than the experience of hard drugs? Maybe nothing, that’s why don’t do drugs so you don’t have to compare everything else to that experience.
(not the only reason not to do drugs).
At the same time, the more in-depth you focus in on an experience, in ways like described below, the more enjoyably the experience.

To experience this in any situation(lets say while doing homework) :

Mindfulness – be in present moment
– observe each piece of information from as many new and interesting
perspectives as you want. Of course don’t spend forever on one math question.
(example, pretend you are a scientist in a lab)
(example, try to apply a concept from the homework to real your life)
– accept the homework as what you should/want to do. This way no nagging feeling of “I could be doing so and so”.
– (Have nothing more fun to do either by choice or environment or need)
– randomization

Homework is an interesting choice for creating passive fun because the experience itself is active. However the fun is still passive. If the experience was passive like enjoying a walk outside(cognitively passive), you would have more options to make it enjoyable cause you could add things, music, smells ect.

Active fun (Play) is fun by goal achievement.

– where challenge meets ability.
– Short term goals (one math question)
– mid term goals (one erasers worth, one page, an even number, ect )
– long term goals (all home work, whole school year, ect)
– rewards, encouragement, multiple goals with progress made
simultaneously(Put a star on your wall for each question done, check calendar for each day, get an A on test, put completed page of homework on wall as a trophy)

Social interaction would make either type of fun more fun but I am deciding if it is really an element of fun or simply an element of good health.

The importance of fun in human development can be seen when you observe that almost everything that increases the fun of the activity also increases the development of the person. I am only talking about cognitive development here as well, the physical, psychological, emotional benefits are huge as well.

A comment on passive fun – The way a lot of people eat now is directly the opposite of what this describes. People buy Crispie cream doughnuts and they eat them fast and they eat them while doing a bunch of other things. This will really dampen the enjoyment of the Crispie cream moment and make the person more likely to be unsatisfied and wanting another one. Mindful eating is basically what I described but like, “what does the doughnut taste, smell, feel, sound, look like?” and “hold each bite in your mouth for 10 seconds and then chew it slowly before swallowing.”


How to create a bully.

From my analysis I have come up with a “beta”-formula for “the bully”. I will share my formula and then share ideas on how to break the formula to break the pattern of the spawning of bullies.

Formula : Two main elements I can think of so far : Hopelessness and Fairness

Hopelessness :

Many/most children/people experience situations where there are not enough of a resource, food, a parent’s love, comfort, self-esteem, happiness, ect. In this situation, if the individual cannot learn how reliably to create more of this resource, and the scarcity is painful enough, a sense of hopelessness will be established. (unless a sense of hope has already been established and can be called upon in a reliable way) In more heavy circumstances the person will identify with victim-hood. That is, they feel they are a victim in many/most/all situations in life.

Fairness :

Means giving everyone a fair share. This does not mean everyone has an abundant supply. It means no matter how little is available, everyone should feel entitled to a certain amount relative to the others. (so fairness is like a worst case scenario strategy) When someone has really internalized the concept of fairness, any opposition to fairness will breed resentment, while the achievement of fairness will give a satisfying emotional response. Let’s not confuse satisfying with good. I hear a lot of drugs are super satisfying too.

Now, if you combine in a person, a strong concept of fairness, and a strong sense of hopelessness. You create a person who’s life goal is to make life fair for them but with no hope of improving their own situation. You create someone who is very learned in negative emotions, loss, pain, ect. So you create someone who is good at loosing and can use that to make life fair by helping others around them (or usually one or two targets at a time) loose. (It’s way easier to break another weak person down, than to build yourself up. It’s also way easier to strive to have only what someone else has than to strive for more. (think 4 minute mile when everyone broke the record only after that first man did.) However building yourself up is so much more satisfying, and achieving what you want, not simply what’s fair, is also much more satisfying. You just need hope and the things hope brings, in order to do it.

The bully will get their fix, that emotion of satisfaction every time they succeed in making life a little more, if only temporarily, more fair.

Now this is extreme. I would say quite a few bullies split their time depending on what would give them the most satisfaction at the time. Either working towards their goals, or destroying someone else’s. However, with time split like this, how could the individual ever do really well at anything. Even with success, if they are constantly holding this feeling of entitlement, they will always be the victim of anyone who i doing better than them in any way that would trigger that “no fair” thought. So they would always be a slave to anyone who they might see as doing better than them.

My hypothesis is that to keep from spawning a bully or to even reform a bully into someone who is not a bully you must destroy both elements that create a bully.

So then you should :

Instill a sense of hope and remove the concept of fairness.

If the person had hope but still the sense of fairness they would be left with an entitlement complex and so they would work towards whatever their neighbor has. (“keeping up with the whoever”) and may still want to break the other person down if it would be more satisfying at a given moment.

If you remove the concept of fairness but keep the hopelessness, it would suck for them but they would be only a victim, not a victim on a fairness conquest. However in that situation they would still be at risk of relearning the concept of fairness is there ever was a situation with shared resources.

If you do both, you create a person who has the hope that they can have what they want and more, and a person who doesn’t feel they need to have a certain amount of anything relative to anyone else. Therefore this person will work towards their happiness and not try to diminish anyone else’s.

As I have been writing latley, the core of feeling like you have
vs feeling like you dont have enough, is positive thinking.
Positive thinking is an extremely important thing everyone needs to
establish in their lives. Positive thinking is what will allow you
to take action as a human being, towards positive goals. Of course
how could a negative thinking person have positive goals, does that
even make sense? A posive person has goals based on what they want to
where as a negative person will have goals based on what they want
to not have. If a positive person brushes their teeth its to keep
them looking good, if a negative person brushed their teeth
its to keep them from looking bad.

this is like glass half empty half full, it seems the same on the
but the outlook is very different. The positive person brushes
their teeth happily ecause they love keeping their teeth looking
their best. The negatve person brushes them out of fear, only too
prevent somthing bad.

Dont jump off a cliff? why? either cause you want to do more stuff,
or just cause your scared to die?

a negative thinker does things out of fear, sees every obsticle
as a threat. A positive person does things for the joy fun and hope
, seeing obstacles as a challenge and a form of excitement,
something to be simply over come and grow from the experience of.

A negative person avoids obstacles because to be obstructed is
bad for a negative person because a negative person is scared of
losing for good. Scared that an ostacle may spell the end for
that person.

For a positive person, they see their goals as somthing they will
reach no matter what and its just a matter of conquering challenges.

A negative person feels they should not be obstructed, feels its
unfair because threat is bad and unfair. A positve person sees
obstruction as a gift, a chance to grow and perform and conqeur,
so a positive person welcomes any obstruction, not activly seekign
it out though because that isnt their actual goal.

SO when two people interact. If they are both negative and one
treats the other badly out of fear that the other one would treat
the first badly this can become a problem. The victim may feel
the need to react out of fear of the agressor. This puts the two
in a downward spiral.

here is one experience in becomeing positive and having to deal with a
negative person:

some guy walks into a card shop and agressivly pats my back
and agressively shakes my hand. on the way out he agressivie patted
my midsection in saying by. He was with his GF and I suspect he
felt threated by me and felt the need to assert dominance.

This put me in a bit of a pickle because this added the element
of phsyical agression into my framework of being positive
no matter what. I needed some time to think through how I could
remain positive in a situation where I was being borderline assulted.

He seemed like he would fight to if I was as negative like him
and got scared enough to push him or somthing like don’t
touch me. That’s a very primitive and fear based way of dealing with things.

So Here is my thought process on that situation.

First thoughts were from the negative perspective, the thoughts
I may have learned from my mom or dad about how I should be

“He can’t be physically agressive with me, its not ok”
“its not fair, he is breaking the rules”
“if I don’t do somthing I will keep doing it”
“What does possitive thinking have to do with being
physically assaulted, my parents would probably tell
me to draw the line at physical abuse”
“He thinks he can bully me and dominate me physically
, I should show him, he seemd pretty strong but it’s
not fair”
“maybe I should never come back here avoid that shit”
“well I can’t just avoid anyone who bullies me”
“should’nt I fight back some how, its not fair”
“he thins he’s the shit or somthing, no I’m the shit”
“Kinda makes me wanna start hitting the gym harder”

See, so I got pulled into this fear based thinking, actually
feeling like fighting him at one point, the fear turned into
Then I thought:

“no, that positive thinking was fool proof”
“I can’t let go of it now it wsa so good”
“there has to be somthing, some way to think abuot this
from the positive, fun perspective”

The positive side of it:

“well first of all, next time I see him, I will say somthing”
“somthing simple like I noticed you were getting pretty
physical last time but I don’t know like that so you gotta
cut it out”
“It does’nt matter what people around us think of that, only
that I say it, and I can even pull him off to the side”
“remember you have goals, and none of them are ‘assert your
dominance over said individual'”
“being positive means working towards what you want with hope
and fun, not working out of fear”
“ok so positive thinking would see this as a challenge not
as a threat or somthing unfair, how to I look at it that way”

“ok then the challege is to keep working towards my goals
inspite of that little incident and do a minimal amount
of reflection on how to readct better next time besides  
not getting scared”

“but what if he were to continue doing that stuff?”
“then because one of my goals is to be in positive environments,
I should just leave”
“just leave? does’nt that mean he wins? should’nt he be put in
his place for being wrong and then he leave”
“no, because my goal is’nt to put people in their place,
only to make the world and my life more positive, and if he wants
help I’ll help him but otherwise I’m not gonna reprimand him,
that get me anywhere good”

“what if the worst case senario he got out of control and tried to
kill me or somthing? could still respond with a smile and a
positive attitude?” “he’s sick, he can’t just go around attacking
people” “WAIT, in the worst case senario I can still play my way”
“I still have to fight for my life but I just have to make sure
its for my life and not to put him in his place” “Fight to
get to the positive environment you want. “fight for peice
without pause” “don’t fight because the guy is a sicko and a
jerk” “so if you can escape and run, do it, don’t try to exact

“now, this mortal peril, is it a challenge, or  threat? which
side of the coin is best in a life or death situation? Obviously
insticts take over and thats fine, just make sure your fighting
for your life and not the other persons death”

“next, what if he were ot not try to kill me but just
physicall bully me like wrestle me into submission just to
be a jerk?”
“yell stop, call for help”
“what if he is only wrestling but not hurting, just enough that
I am being bullied” “get help, and if no one can help, wait and
see if he will eventually let go” “your goal is’nt to prove he
can’t dominate you, your goal is to live the life you want, if he
lets go soon, get away from him and keep it that way” “and
maybe report the person to authories” “part
of the challenge, if you are thinkgin positivly is to realize,
I’m being challeged by negativity, will I over react out of fear
of seeming weak, or will I wait it out knowing that I’m so far safe
and would rather not provoke any worse” “ya you know your rights
but people often viotate others rights and if you try to take
on every violation head on it’s often not worth it””get help
and avoid”

“fighting should be researved for a situation where your life
in danger or you are made uncomfortable enough that you feel the
need to fight back out of need not anger” “that line is drawn
at different places for different people but it should definatly
be drawn at anything that puts your physical well being
at risk and where you have no means of escape”
“physical well being” “emotional well being”
these are somthing worth fighting for.these are core values
just like your goals are core values, these are the things to
focus on. “my rights” however,
is not, because its an astraction. fighting for “my rights”, out
of anger, can’t get you into the situation where you really need
to fight. Best not to go that way if you can help it.”

So after all that thinking I again got back to the place where I
could see it all as fun. If my well being is a risk, which it
isn’t if someone just shook my hand too hard, then I’ll fight
for my health which is still positive, but just more intense.

Otherwise anything less is just fun.

actually I think it could be posible to see even life or death
situations as gifts, as challenges, instead of as threats,
but the trick is to still have the emotional intensity that would
equal someone who needs to survive. It might even be better in
a life or death situation for someone to see it as just another
challenge but one that must be given 100%. I think the 100% focus
would come instictivle in anyone who understands that they really
could die. However I wonder. Could someone take somthing seriouly
and still see it as a challenge and not a threat? Could it be seen
just the most significant challenge eve? would that be enough?
I’m trying to decided if someone would truely have to switch to
fear based thinking to save their life or not.IN some cases being
scared might actually be ahinderance if say the person freezes in
their tracks.

On the other hand, if someone always sees the situation as
winable, they will be more likely to not give up.

I somtimes feel like hope leads to action where as
fear leads to inaction
just like activity is like life
where as inactivity is liike death(depression maybe comes from fear)

I had a dream that I was hanging of a ledge by my hands and was
so scared to fall that I pruposely let go. That I think is the
epitome of fear.

Hope on the other hand would have me continuosly trying
to climb back up.

Discouragement may be one way hopelessness like what I just
discribed can take root. It is very primitive, but its the thought
that since one has been unsuccessful once or a few times, that
they will most likley continue to be unsuccessful.
This is not nessesarily so but if the person belives it is they
may give up and then the prophecy fufilled itself.

fear leads to death
hope leads to life.

being positive in a life or death situation would be doing
everything you can to stay alive, not to keep from dying.
half full/half empty.

So positive in life or death would’nt be horsing around obvioulsy
because your life is being challenge. Challenged vs threated.
They are both the same weight, it’s just that on one hand you are
fighting with the hope of keeping everything you love,
while on the other hand you are fighting against fear of
losing everything you love, or just fear of the unknown(for
someone who has been too scared ot love already, which would
probabbly weaken their resolve cause the unknown is unknown.

which side would fight harder? Well I’m sure the positive
side is garenteeed to fight because they are confident they can
win. The problem is over confidence. Either way I would say hope
and postive fun attitude is the best way to live daily life and
if it seems into your persona even in a live/death situation than
so be it but hope you slip into which ever side is best for life/death
and then go back to positive after lol.

I think being positive is so important and so underrated. I think being positive is a mindset that is superior to any other mindset besides one of learning where you will eventually learn about being positive and use that as well. Being positive should be the lens through which we view the world. Through this lens we get to see possibilities, ways of thinking, ideas, that through a negative outlook we just would not have seen. Studies show, including my own in my life, that people perform better in life, in athletic competition, and in my experiment, in video games. I played smash bros with my friends with the attitude that I could and would win if I just gave it my all and to give it my all. I did and I won a lot more than usual.

Its even more far reaching than that. Being positive instead of  negative is actual also choosing to be happy instead of unhappy. To have hope and love instead of fear and hate.

To be positive you need to have the mindset that yes there will be obstacles(including people) in your life(that is just being realistic) however these are just challenges to be overcome eventually. Where as with negative thinking, obstacles(including people) are threats that may never be overcome. Positive, not delusional, thinking, you don’t see yourself as deserving something, as being entitles to something because that is a false idea. Entitlement is abstract and not real. Instead positive thinking means you can acquire anything you want by working at it. eventually is an important word because time is something we don’t have control of. Time passes, there is no such thing as right now, there is an infinite amount of time, or an unmeasurable amount of time inside of any moment you try to pin point. That is just how the universe works so thinking I want this know just doesn’t make sense. However, saying I want this in two years, for something achievable in two years is positive and realistic. You have to figure that out. Also if an obstacle comes up you try with the knowledge that you can overcome the challenge, and you try. If you don’t over come it, you recalculate how long your goal will take. You will always reach it eventually as long as you stay positive. I would even go as far as even if a certain goal like being able to fly which so far is not proven possible, you could dedicate your life to it and still have hope that in your next life you could keep working on that same goal. However most people would get bored of a goal that would take that long and that is ok too that just means you don’t want to be able to fly “that” badly.

Next thing that being positive does is it makes you grateful for the challenges you face because if you are facing a challenge then it was was obviously an inevitability on you path towards your goal and so your are still on that path, the challenge is part of that path and obviously you would rather have a path to the goal then no path meaning no way of reaching that goal.

Next, challenges can be seen as fun when seen through the positive lens. lie in a game, a challenge is just another chance to win, and you know you will eventually. So it’s just a chance to be bad ass.

also don’t be discouraged by eventually because there are often ways to shorten the time to a goal by a huge margin, things that use to take a life time now take far far less. If something seems like will take too long, the time it takes can be shortened considerably if you can figure out the way. That is just another obstacle. A challenge.


The idea of being positive is in line with the idea of abundance, which is inline with being happy as a human being, as a part of the universe. Which is inline with the universes will, for humans, sentient beings to be happy. That is why we strive for happiness or nothing at all. No human strives for unhappiness because that is the opposite of motivating, it is not part of the universes programming. As far as I know form every human I’ve ever observed or heard about. Therefore, if you are not in harmony with the universe, if you want things that are in the opposite direction of what the universe wants, things from the scarcity mentality,  don’t expect to reach the goal, or if you do, don’t expect to be happy. Because the universe,(including yourself) is striving for happiness and abundance already but if you strive for a goal like killing someone, a scarcity motivated goal, which goes against you being happy in the long run, I expect you to meet a lot more resistance. Also once you do reach your goal, if it is a goal out of harmony with the universe don’t expect to be happy for long if at all.

Also I think that the same way many of us were programmed to have a scarcity mindset. By out parents showing us fear or anger about certain things like if someone pushed us as a kid our parents would come to our defense angry. We learn to feel anger at those things this way. However the source of the anger is in scarcity thinking which is the thinking where the kid was entitled to not be pushed, where the child being pushed was a threat not a challenge. This is how we learn scarcity thinking, negative thinking, fear based thinking. In some cases you need to get keyed up, like if someone threatens your life. But not because they have no right and so you are angry, but because you want to live because you love your life ans you will do anything to defend it. Same for defending a child.


Anyways so I think we should actively consciously program ourselves in the opposite direction. In any situation where you meet an obstacle, including a person, smile on purpose because they are just a challenge, and one you can overcome/defeat. Also look at it that way as well, smile, grin, look at challenge as tasty, a chance to kick ass(not a person’s ass,but the ass of the situation) and shine, always, and shine through acting out of abundance and love or if someone would take that the wrong way its a chance to look away and smile so they can’t see it, and then walk away. And be grateful for the challenge, the chance to learn, the chance to kick ass(not a person’s ass,but the ass of the situation), the chance to grow.

Most of the lack I have ever felt in my life were feelings that were forced down my throat at an earlier age. Until I started seeing attractive women with rich men I never thought I needed any money. Until people started telling me that real men have good steady careers, I never thought I needed to pick a major. People seem to be hypnotizing each other into thinking they are lacking something. For Peat’s sakes though, we wouldn’t be alive if we were truly lacking. Way less capable species have survived and reproduced in order to get to the modern human being. How could we possibly see ourselves as under equipped now. People living in metropolitan cities feel a sense of lack because they are being told they are lacking, mean while people in Papua New Guinea are dancing and singing and the socialites of the metro look down on them for celebrating their lives, living well and happily and in abundance. How could people actually think they needed to be more than what they felt inspired to be. They were forced to feel that way. By someone else. Someone else has been trying to push their vision on others and some who shared it tagged along, but those who didn’t were punished, ostracized, made to feel lacking for not want a G6 or a Rolex. This is the very same things some parents do to there own young, the kids see the abundance they have and probably have visions of their own, what they want to create. Parents however chose to force their own visions on to the children and tell the children they must make this much money and have this job to be not lacking. The children who grow up and actually believe it will either waste some of their lives toiling away at their parents vision, or maybe grow depressed and give up on their vision and their parents. Or if they’re luck they may only feel a lack of direction and maybe start surfing the net, a lot.

I read in one of Steve Pavlina’s posts that to live in a state of abundance you have to not perceive even lack of direction as a lack. If you come to a point where you don’t know what you want to do with your life, you have to be ok with that. You need to see all the other things you do have that you can enjoy and just live the best life you can. This idea is very important for someone who may be out of school and not knowing what they want to do with there lives.

I have a hypothesis that for much of the depressed population, the thing that is making them depressed is one or more thought patterns of lack. Yes I do understand that depression is a biological thing. However think the biological change is caused by a change in mindset. Did you know that depression can come from simply having a chronic pain. I feel that the mindset of lack is interpreted by the brain as a form of chronic pain which it is in a way. Pain is a signal that tells you something is wrong. Any other negative emotion is the exact same thing. Therefore any chronic negative emotion should be very capable of causing the biological change would take place is depression. Now here are some of the things I can think of that could because chronic thought patterns, chronic pains that could ultimately become a depression.

Fears that keep you from doing the things you really want to do. Any thing you are forcing yourself keep from doing because of a fear of failure or injury or death ect, I would say is chronic, its on going. This is because it is something that is always in the back of your mind even if its become so automatic that you don’t even have to think about it. It’s still a chronic thing.

Feeling any kind of lack. Feeling you don’t have something you should, feeling you don’t have enough. It’s basically a chronic pain of loss. It’s like a nagging pain of feeling like a piece of you has been removed. This is a chronic pain. This feeling of lack, the opposite of abundance is defiantly high up there as a supposed cause of depression because loss is a major stressor for a human being. When humans loose a loved one, are forced to end a relationship, or lose a body part, the human body goes through a major biological change which is extremely stressful and can lead to depression.

So when someone reads that living with abundance means following your passion but that person has no direction and feels they should. They may feel pressured to try hard to find that direction and they may simply be digging themselves into the ground in two ways. One, creativity and inspiration rarely show when one is under pressure and feeling forced to be creative. Two, that pressure to find your passion(s), that feeling of LACK of passion is a chronic pain which is taking a toll on their body which start turning into a depression. Then not only will the person be less able to enjoy their passion, they’ll be less able to do anything they need to do for themselves.

You see those bums on the street begging for money and getting drunk of it. Some of them maybe be the victims of a society that forced it’s vision on them and making them feel like nothing they were inspired to do was worth anything. Also I will say that I’ve met people all throughout my life that were more than willing to reprimand me for not following some vision of someone else. Even kids in school, when I didn’t do what the teacher said, there were other students even who would be upset with me as if I should be free to follow my own creative desires or that I shouldn’t make mistakes when playing along with some school circular activity I didn’t care about at all. Some of those kids seemed to just completely get what the school system was about and shared that vision, I didn’t get it like they did and I knew I didn’t but I also really didn’t care. The only thing that got to me was a feeling that I was lacking in some way by not being understanding and inspired enough to do what someone thought I should. This has definitely been something I’ve carried my whole life until now. Now I get it. I see the vision of the school system. I see the vision of the companies I’ve worked for. Now seeing things I realize I wasn’t lacking at all. I just don’t want what they want and I’ll never be hypnotized to feel like I’m wrong for feeling that way again. I hope everyone else that is’nt satisfied with the idea of working for paychecks, doing things you don’t like, I hope they will all see through the facade. You don’t NEED to do anything you don’t want to. If someone tells you you need to be doing something but does’nt have a convincing argument of why you really need to be doing that thing, don’t do it. Completely ignore it because what they are trying to do is force you to work for their vision instead of your own.

Don’t be scared of this “you’ll be homeless” shit either. That’s fear based manipulation. Even if you end up homeless, you think your gonna die just cause your homeless? As long as your not a jerk I think you’ll do ok, the human race didn’t start out in condos. After all the soldiers said to have fought to the death for our freedom, how could we not spend every minute of our lives free. Are you not willing to fight to the death for your own freedom? To me, as a man, that’s what a man does. He doesn’t do shit because other people tell him he’s lacking if he doesn’t. He does what he believes in, learning as he goes. It might be harder for a women to do the same, live on the streets until things look up, with sex offenders ect out there. However if a girl were to live on the street with a real man who is working towards higher goals than money, she should be way better off than in a house with a white picket fence and some Prozac on her nightstand.


Growing up I loved looking up to people. I loved watching tv shows and movies and reading the character bios in video game players guides to know what older people were like. I fantasized about what I would want to be like when I was older. I obsessed over it. Teenagers were so cool. They were a separate entity, on another level. Some adults were cool too but a lot of them lead like, the least interesting lives out there. Adults seemed to just stagnate and accept their 9-5 jobs and 5 to 10 after life. It seemed like no fun at all.

I am an adult now. I’m sure a lot of my friends are having a good time working 9-5 jobs they are passionate about. However a lot of adults aren’t doing that. A lot of people seemed to just let hormones dictate how much growing they would do and then let the ride end when it would. Then they live out the rest of their lives like victory laps. I am very interested in personal development, Personal evolution, Human evolution, and I can imagine giving up on growing. I think we can all keep getting better and better. I am happy with who I am but I still want to be even better, so that I can be even more happy. People talk about maturity like its a goal, an end. I don’t think that should be that way.
I want to keep growing, keep getting better, cooler and cooler, smarter and smarter. Once we reach this age it because harder to idolize other people in a way, I think because we feel more secure about what we know, and unlike the difference between a kids knowledge and a teenagers knowledge, most adults are pretty on par with other adults, at least adults in the same country. If not on par they have at least enough knowledge to get by on their own which I think allows people to be ok with their level of growth or whatever you want to call it. Some of us tho, want to keep growing out of the sheer pleasure of the growth and the new abilities. So how do we grow without another person to use as a target to aim for.

I think a good way will be to have a goal like something you want out of life. You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone and into the zone of growth once again. Otherwise you will only grow when you have to in order to overcome something that has befallen you. The zone where there are great things to experience but you have to grow to be able to reach them, that is the right zone. You may feel the fear of failure. Like if you work so hard and fail, it might hurt. That’s growing pains. It doesn’t have to hurt to much tho, you can start out with something small if you want to, to gain confidence and hope.

I however like to set big goals and slowly work harder to reach them. I deal with the fear of failure by the idea that even if I do fail, I will still have achieved a glorious failure that most will never experience. No one can take that away from me. I will have lived a life worth while by trying. Failure is a very abstract concept and I don’t really believe in it anymore. I believe in growth.

“Scientifically, happiness is a choice. It is a choice about where your single processor brain will devote its finite resources as you process the world. If you scan for the negative first, your brain literally has no resources left over to see the things you are grateful for or the meaning embedded in your work. But if you scan the world for the positive, you start to reap an amazing advantage.


When we stop studying the average and begin researching positive outliers — people who are above average for a positive dimension like optimism or intelligence — a wildly different picture emerges.


Training your brain to be positive at work is just like training your muscles at the gym. Sounds simple, right? Well, think about how easy it is to make yourself go to the gym. The key with any new resolution is to make it a habit. New research on neuroplasticity — the ability of the brain to change even as an adult — reveals that moderate actions can rewire the brain as you create “life habits.”

The greatest cultural myth in modern society is that we cannot change. My research proves that you can not only become more positive, but if you prioritize happiness in the present, you can reap an extraordinary advantage.”

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Shawn Achor.