How to create a bully.
From my analysis I have come up with a “beta”-formula for “the bully”. I will share my formula and then share ideas on how to break the formula to break the pattern of the spawning of bullies.
Formula : Two main elements I can think of so far : Hopelessness and Fairness
Many/most children/people experience situations where there are not enough of a resource, food, a parent’s love, comfort, self-esteem, happiness, ect. In this situation, if the individual cannot learn how reliably to create more of this resource, and the scarcity is painful enough, a sense of hopelessness will be established. (unless a sense of hope has already been established and can be called upon in a reliable way) In more heavy circumstances the person will identify with victim-hood. That is, they feel they are a victim in many/most/all situations in life.
Means giving everyone a fair share. This does not mean everyone has an abundant supply. It means no matter how little is available, everyone should feel entitled to a certain amount relative to the others. (so fairness is like a worst case scenario strategy) When someone has really internalized the concept of fairness, any opposition to fairness will breed resentment, while the achievement of fairness will give a satisfying emotional response. Let’s not confuse satisfying with good. I hear a lot of drugs are super satisfying too.
Now, if you combine in a person, a strong concept of fairness, and a strong sense of hopelessness. You create a person who’s life goal is to make life fair for them but with no hope of improving their own situation. You create someone who is very learned in negative emotions, loss, pain, ect. So you create someone who is good at loosing and can use that to make life fair by helping others around them (or usually one or two targets at a time) loose. (It’s way easier to break another weak person down, than to build yourself up. It’s also way easier to strive to have only what someone else has than to strive for more. (think 4 minute mile when everyone broke the record only after that first man did.) However building yourself up is so much more satisfying, and achieving what you want, not simply what’s fair, is also much more satisfying. You just need hope and the things hope brings, in order to do it.
The bully will get their fix, that emotion of satisfaction every time they succeed in making life a little more, if only temporarily, more fair.
Now this is extreme. I would say quite a few bullies split their time depending on what would give them the most satisfaction at the time. Either working towards their goals, or destroying someone else’s. However, with time split like this, how could the individual ever do really well at anything. Even with success, if they are constantly holding this feeling of entitlement, they will always be the victim of anyone who i doing better than them in any way that would trigger that “no fair” thought. So they would always be a slave to anyone who they might see as doing better than them.
My hypothesis is that to keep from spawning a bully or to even reform a bully into someone who is not a bully you must destroy both elements that create a bully.
So then you should :
Instill a sense of hope and remove the concept of fairness.
If the person had hope but still the sense of fairness they would be left with an entitlement complex and so they would work towards whatever their neighbor has. (“keeping up with the whoever”) and may still want to break the other person down if it would be more satisfying at a given moment.
If you remove the concept of fairness but keep the hopelessness, it would suck for them but they would be only a victim, not a victim on a fairness conquest. However in that situation they would still be at risk of relearning the concept of fairness is there ever was a situation with shared resources.
If you do both, you create a person who has the hope that they can have what they want and more, and a person who doesn’t feel they need to have a certain amount of anything relative to anyone else. Therefore this person will work towards their happiness and not try to diminish anyone else’s.