Networking without being fake part 2

Right before I wrote this I read :

http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.org/career_magazine/previous_issues/articles/2011_09_16/caredit.a1100094

http://smallbusiness.foxbusiness.com/legal-hr/2012/08/08/likeonomics-reveals-why-nice-guys-dont-have-to-finnish-last/

and earlier I read a lot of other stuff too…let’s begin.

When it comes to living as a human being, being social is a huge part. It was huge when we first started out, and it continues to be huge now. Especially with the way our economy is right now, being social is extremely important. Not being social though, being liked. If you want a promotion, a job, and even self-employment, you need people to like you to be successful. This post will mostly deal with how introverts can become more likable because extrovert already have a natural advantage because they are naturally more social and talkative which people associate with trustworthiness for better or worse.

Now the obvious way most people would think of for an introvert to become more likable is that if extroverts are more likable then introverts should act like extroverts. However I really don’t think that’s the best idea. I think life works best when everyone in honest instead of pretending. My task therefore is to find a way for introverts to be as likable as extroverts without sacrificing morals and authentic selves.

So to figure out how to do this we need to know what likeability is. Basically it being easy to like. So how is that done. Well for someone to like you, you have to be good for them as a person and they have to be able to relate to you. There may be other things but these are main ones. It’s easy for anyone, introvert or extrovert to relate to an extrovert because an extrovert will show their emotions. An introvert doesn’t do this as much so it’s harder to get to know them. The remedy for this if you are interested is to express you emotions openly. Even just through speaking is fine. Also an extrovert will let out more of who they are in general like the things they like and don’t like. You don’t have to be super high energy, but just speak whats on your mind and people will relate to you more. If you are curious about something or someone, ask the questions you want to ask. People love talking about themselves, and they would love to know what your authentic interests in them are.

Relationships are based on trust. That is pretty common knowledge how ever the important thing I learned from the article on “likeonomics” is that likability is also based on trust. Apparently Steve Jobs was a brutally honest person and people loved him. Like a cult. So, don’t tell a fat person, “oh your so fat!” or anything like that, but just be authentic, I think is the best thing. It’s something extroverts do naturally but it’s not something introverts have to fake. It’s actually more like, we are faking that we aren’t relate-able because we don’t share much of ourselves. Of course we aren’t actively faking it, but we have the power to show that we are relate-able and we often just chose not too.

Unless someone finds a good reason why introverts are better off not being more authentic while extroverts are ok to do so I would say introverts should be more authentic.

If you can let people know more who you are, instead of leaving so much to the imagination, you will become more likeable. Obviously tact is good when you are speaking your mind, as well as humor(self deprecating, and other) and those are all skill you can learn without being fake. Also people often say a good conversationalist matches the energy level of the person they are speaking with. I’m not sure this is always a must. However if you are in a situation where you don’t want to offend an extrovert, you at least  have to have match they’re level of interest in having a conversation. I have pissed off a lot of people simply because I wasn’t interested in talking with them at the time(other things on my mind) and I didn’t think I should be fake and pretend to care about the conversation. After a few negative experiences I am realizing that it’s the same way people don’t burp or scratch their crotch in public, to not offend anyone. In this circumstance it is not seen as fake, it is seen as compassionate, and I understand that. So if someone wants to talk with me it’s polite to respond with eye contact, body language and matched energy(where it makes sense). However if you can some how be authentic instead like of matching energy it could work better, just use tact.

Ah I just thought of another great study. There was a study saying that if two strangers meet and one makes a racists comment about a race that neither belong to, more rapport is built than if neither had spoke. This is on average. This is not to say that most people are racists, at least I don’t think. I think this means that people are drawn to authenticity. The racists person was obviously honest if he was willing to be racists. oh, oh, and also, back to the idea of giving and mutually beneficial arrangements, the racists gave to the other, he put himself in a vulnerable position. He put himself in a position where the other man was left with the choice to keep his secret(mutual benefit) or betray him. When this happens, you have a GIFT EXCHANGE!!! So there is a third gift. The gift of authenticity. I’m so happy I figured this out. This is yet another way in which giving is good in this universe. Give and you shall receive. Also this is also underlines the importance of working to become in harmony with the universe. When in harmony, your authentic self will be good enough to be likeable. Otherwise you’ll be either forced to change, or lie which just get’s harder and harder to keep up with.

So now lets say an introvert who has passion for basket weaving, wants to make real money to support himself. He has to network if he wants a good paying job or business. So how should he do it? he key points to keep in mind are abundance, positive attitude, authenticity, love, maybe some others. I want to describe the bad way and then the good way after.

Bad way:
He goes to a networking event. He greets his first potential connection. His mindset is, I need(scarcity) this guy so that I can make money. I can’t act like an extrovert that’s too fake, but I gotta get him to like me. Well I can tell him about my credentials. Gotta pretend I’m not desperate even though I am. “hey man you ok, your sweating”, “huh no ya I’m fine….uh yeah so I went to school, to school for… for…” “so maybe we can do business ey? ey?, wann exchange email and maybe help each other out, then we can both win. We cAn BoTh WiN!!” “I’m very interested in learning more about stocks because stocks are very interesting to me, I hope we can get together again and talk about stocks.”(not authentic at all, unless you really love the concept of stocks)

Good way:

He goes to a networking event. He greets his first potential connection. His mindset is, I’ve got this networking event, then I got another(abundance) one tomorrow, then one(abundance) next week. I’ll meet lots of people, let them know what I(authenticity) want, and why I(authenticity) want it. Whoever out of those people can relate to me, and I to them, we can go from there. The I’ll see what their skills are and tell them mine, but whoever I like and who likes me, we should find a way to help each other. So for this first guy…(I’m looking for connections so I can make more money and live better, you down for that?)

So obviously the with the good way he will be coming in to the event with a winning attitude, abundance mindset, and authenticity. He has no reason to be desperate because he knows to not put all his eggs in one basket. Also He becomes valuable simply because he knows that once he meets people and gets connected, he can start to make things happen. So his value is that he knows he is valuable. It doesn’t even take long to realize that there is power in connections. If you didn’t know it before you should have picked it up from this article. The trick is knowing how much value you have just by having those connections. Really it’s the difference between scarcity and abundance. With abundance you realize that you are actually extremely valuable just by being able to communicate with other human beings and make connections.  Also he will meet people and they will like him because he is positive, valuable, and authentic. The authenticity takes practice for people who aren’t naturally comfortable with themselves or with money. You have to love yourself enough and know that you become more valuable as a human being if you can be authentic. You also have to be ok with wanting money, if you think it’s wrong to start a business “just for the money” then you need to realize what money really is. It’s thanks for your work to help society and your neighbor. Business, unless it’s wall street loop hole type or illegal or environmentally unfriendly, is all about improving our world. Getting money for it is just a way to make sure as many people are motivate to keep improving it and not just let it stagnate. (as far as I know about money anyway)

So if you can be a a good person (definitely important but it’s not something that has to be faked, just realize that the universe rewards giving, and good) If you can have a positive attitude, and abundance mindset, and an authentic way about you, you can make many connections. If you get all of what I’m saying here, then you are basically rich already. Knowledge is power.

So now, what is the real reason our economy sucks? Is it outsourcing, is it shadow government conspiracies, or is it lack of authenticity and lack of the mindset of abundance which keeps people from coming together to create more abundance.

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